When there is a problem, I generally like to ask, "Which part of the problem do you take responsibility for?" You have mentioned several of the behaviors that have distanced your spouse from you. A separation, in itself, is her way of protecting herself from further toxicity.

I am currently reading a book called, "Boundaries in Marriage." It does have it's basis in Christianity, but religious or not, the information about setting boundaries is very useful.

It is good that you will see a therapist about your abuse issues. You have made choices that have impacted your spouse, and now you are experiencing the consequences. You will need to hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. When it is an issue of maintaining health by staying away from your spouse, as she is doing, reconciliation can be very difficult.

I hope the best for you on this new journey of personal change. It is commendable that you are seeking help to change yourself.