I read your post and it is like my own thoughts a few years back. Logical thoughts that go around and around and around. You are given words of wisdom, and you practice them to perfection and still nothing. Others just sluff though life and get everything. You work harder than anyone you know, and still nothing. I'm trying to think of what it was that changed me and helped me feel more content and I can only hope that there is something in this that will help you. After I yelled at God (this time it was different and I think it was because emotionally I hit bottm) my whole world spiralled to the bottom. I went from a house in the high end of the city, to stealing food for my kids in a year. I was a bit of an overachiever and suddenly I couldn't barely get out of bed.
What happened in the course of those 2 horrible years was that I had to learn to give up and as someone pointed out, drift down the stream on faith. Giving up control was the hardest part because my survival instincts wants to hang onto every advantage (log) that I could, but it was all slipping out of my hands. My lesson was to give up and allow things to be. We are born to perceive the way life should be. Nice home, a few luxuries, good friends, good health, etc. However, life is sooooo much more than we perceive. It's like you are in a backyard and the fence is high and everything outside the fense is noisy and kinda scarey so you never go out. But, once you go out, the scarey noise is actually laughter and you have to ask, how do I get there...darn, boss arrived, more later, okay?