[quote=Mr. Venomous;2721560]People on PC (and in real life) tell me I am intelligent but the seemingly endless struggles I experience understanding what I am learning or being taught appear to refute that claim.

Intelligence is significant to me because it is the single characteristic of mine that I have ever been valued and respected for, since I have, for as long as I can remember, failed at about everything else. As a child, when I used to reflect on relationships and why it was that I was abused and disliked so much, I noted the connection between academic performance and relationships when I observed that the children whom excelled in school were treated better than the ones who did not. Later, I concluded that the abuse I was forced to endure was a consequence of low academic scores (i.e., being stupid). It was this that motivated me to attempt to master and learn everything I could to be less stupid and reduce the abuse in my everyday life; to a degree, I was successful in this, because as my scores improves staff at school treated me better, I was bullied less, and while abuse still occurred in my household, it was of a different kind. Academic scores and intelligence thus became critical to how I see myself and the world around me.

But when I recurrently encounter situations that I feel reflect negatively on my intelligence or lack thereof, it is a threat to all of what I value and wish to achieve, thereby making me feel anxious and contemplate suicide. Indeed, in 2011 when I drafted plans to commit suicide out of issues with university, I believed (and to a lesser degree still do) that failing to achieve a formal education would forever condemn me to failure, especially with regards to relationships - how could a woman, or anyone for that matter, accept me if I failed at that? While that might seem absurd to those reading this now, I feel like I am regularly treated with disdain for exactly this reason, and it was because of this that originally prompted me to delete my Facebook account.

When I am told I am intelligent I can never sure to believe it because I always see intellectual shortcomings of mine that make me feel like I am stupid:
How can I be certain if I am stupid or intelligent? If I am intelligent, how can I still have all these shortcomings, which I wouldn't think an intelligent individual would have? Whenever I am told that what I aspire to is impossible, I am inclined to describe the various polymaths in history, as surely they have accomplished all of this.

Hey Mr V,
It has been a while, so I thought I would stop by and say hello.
How have things going and how are you reacting?
I ask you this because I read one of your post and was concerned.
I know that you strive/expect for perfection and anything less you equate to failure.
Where did you get this concept from?
Maybe your parents should have thought before they spoke to you, Discouragment, To make a child feel nothing less that perfection is a disappointment, words like this will not only hamper a childs ability to grow and learn in a safe enviorment.Surely this will this destroys a childs ability feel positive about themselves. It skews the childs perception on how they think and how other people see/think about them.
Words like you should try harder, even, you are better than this can be damaging and causes confusion, despair, and the child begins to look for ways out. But if you do not have a good foundation/base to stand on you will continue to find yourself on unstable ground. Not having a safe place to return to to start over.
Now you are a young man, not your parents child and have the intellegence to make your own foundation/base to build the truth with positive thoughts/images of self worth.
Managing your mind, your thinking, and thoughts. Honestly do you think you are stupid, no.
You can rise above this and you will. Trust in yourself and use your intuition before taking on tasks that will lead to disappointment.
Dont trust people that try to put you down or that lie to you.
I read your post, I read the replys. I read your responses to the advice given and I hear alot of frustration/anger in not being understood. You are geting good advice but your heart sounds bitter with resentment and that is a cold/lonely place to live, even if you are right, there is a time to come in from the cold.
Start anew,
Happiedasiy