Dear Kamidogu,
Everything still looks dark and hopeless now, but would you recognize a happier time? You write well. i enjoyed your description of your depression...it, unfortunately, describes what i think of my life at the moment too. i do know of happy things however. i enjoy the beauty of flowers, sunrises and sunsets, dogs,puppies, cats and kittens,innocent pre-verbal babies and their laughter. i do not have any pets but someday i hope to care for a doggie. Thus i have to ride through this annoying tsunami of a depression. i hope you find a way to do the same.
PS. Leed makes a good suggestion about therapy. It has helped me find the happy things to hold onto. Please seriously consider therapy.