Anika- At this time I don't even know what stable looks like.

I will make a chart. I dealt with bipolar off meds for a really long time generally through sleep deprivation and ED. Which obviously isn't the healthy option. I do get psychosis but didn't learn that until my current pdoc. Before medication I was mixed, manic, or shut off. Now it's all weird, sensitive and crap.

My ED and psychosis has a lot to do with me wanting not to try more combinations. When I'm on a weight neutral AD that works you wouldn't know I had an ED. When I'm on a non-weight neutral AD that "works" I get paranoid and stop taking it. All AD's come with a high risk of psychosis when I start them and that is scary if it's not caught fast enough.

I'm always extremely sensitive and seriously do not know how to interact with my son medicated.

We talked about this last night. I made a daily schedule, self care list and Home care list. Hopefully this will help.

I have 600 mi. in between us but because of the meds I'm so **** sensitive that I can't even visit. Meaning my son's away more so he can have a relationship with family. I refuse to go there on meds.

You gave me a lot of work to do.

farmgirl- On meds and med changes. Off meds I travel with him while my husband looks for new living arrangements. I'm not the nicest to be around and snap but I am able to care for him for the basics. I do have to keep my distance with him. I'm much more able to handle his issues on medication because I'm more sensitive. However he does not know why he goes and feels he chooses to go. I'm sure I'm not remembering the problems. It's the opposite about emotions I'm to **** sensitive on these. It would seem best to find stability. Yes but how do you find stability when you've never seen it. T thinks I'm pretty stable. Pdoc keep messing with AD's. I don't know what I am but it's just not working. As a parent I do want to set the best example for my son. Especially since he has MI and chooses to take medication.

Trippin- Thank-you , I'm not use to 'less' depressed and longer cycles and it seems to make things to complicated. We live off a little less than $700 a month so even screwing up w. $10 is enormous.

Christina – Thank-you

hamster – I am terrified of lithium and any other meds that can cause weight gain. I don't have to be gaining weight to flip-out thinking I'm gaining weight. So I have no AP's. I think lamictal is actually okay. It's the stupid AD's causing problems or w. no AD I'm depressed. I went from a size 2-3 to 8-12 after having my son. Even “eating” 2-3x a week I still maintain 136 lbs (61.7 kg). I seriously can not digest 1 chicken tender in over 12 hrs (endoscopy proved it) . On AD's I eat all the time 7-8 kid type meals a day. So I'm already paranoid about gaining let alone a non-weight neutral medication.

Everyone seems to be echoing what my husband's saying. Talk to pdoc and T (they're going to say no.) My T is scared of me w/o meds. Come up with a plan and slowly, w. the help of pdoc, come off medication but prepare to go back on it if needed. :trob: I love this place. Thank-you guys!