T

Nice to know when I'm feeling a bit suicidal (yes I'm angry and being sarcastic by saying "bit" because you either are or you aren't) and I ask for help, you'll agree to help me, and then...forget. Thanks for the four years. This wasn't the thing to forget. This wasn't the ending I expected. I've worked so hard the last few weeks to get back on top of everything, after you spent an entire session lecturing me. Even though you think that was in response to me and my emotions, it was too much, you took it too far and I didn't deserve it.

Although that session wasn't as bad as being forgotten at a time like this. It was always so hard for me to ask, and risk asking. It was a vulnerable thing to do, particularly at this time, when you've already started changing boundaries in a way I never expected. Because I'm so respectful of any boundary, I was shocked you'd need to.

And when I push myself to still be vulnerable and risk asking, like you wanted, I was not passive, like you wanted. I had to ask more than once, and you offered help when I most needed it...and you didn't come through. I was so worried that you might not be okay, and I'm glad that's not the case, but you "forgot". Thanks.

I think the saddest thing might be that it was the first time I knew you were going to follow through with what you said you'd do. You haven't always, and so I try not to hope, but this time, I knew you would...but you didn't.

So this might be my final goodbye T. I haven't decided if I can sit through this in person.