I've been following your thread and feeling bad for you but I haven't known what to say. I'm glad you talked to your T, finally. I just can't imagine doing therapy long distance like you're doing. The whole situation bothers me and I wonder if your T is hurting you more than helping, by not encouraging you to see someone else while she's gone. There are agencies with sliding scales. Maybe it wouldn't be someone experienced with DID, but if you are so depressed and feeling so bad about yourself, seeing someone even if they are not ideal might be better than seeing no one, at least for a while. Did you and your H ever consider marriage counseling? Since he's a T, he must realize the benefits of getting help for himself and for you, doesn't he? I'm not saying that to be mean, but because I care about you and wish you were happier. I hope a change in your meds will help too!

On another note, I understand about being embarrassed for looking like a teenager when you're 40. I hated when people talked to me and were astonished that I was married and had kids! I still hate it even though I should be glad I still look young. Someone in my DBT group wondered if I was 10 years old when I got married! Seriously, she couldn't believe how old I am.