I wish I could say something that could make you feel better and I'm going to try anyway. I am 51 years old. I have lived through some good and some bad. I am not bipolar and yet I relate to you and your expressions. I watched my husband fight cancer for three years and its now 2 1/2 years that he's gone. He endured so much and yet his faith never wavered. He was a courageous, strong, loving, caring, gentle soul. We were together for 30 blessed years. The experience and tragedy of the loss was so painful as I am left to start new when I feel that I am too young to be old and too old to be young. I am generally happy, I am compassionate, I love to laugh and dance, I pray, I have four beautiful children and three beautiful granddaughters, and I have the most Magnificent bipolar/depressed/adhd friend. He is the one in my life who brings me stability and support. I love him for it and I will do any and everything I know how to give him the support he needs. I read the posts on this site and I feel the passion and the hope and the willingness to find your way.. The so called normal people are so wrapped up in bliss sometimes that they fail to realize how simple minded they can be. I wish to tell you that you are so very special and that I am so concerned when you feel so bad. I feel that you all have helped me so much in just this little while that I have joined this forum. I want to give back the same and I am trying....

I am so sorry you are feeling this way((((((((dubblemonkey))))))))Sending hugs and positive vibes your way. I feel it is never to late!

PC is a great place for support. What also helps me in weekly therapy and support groups. I know what it's like to be in a dark place. I hope u find the support and resources u need.