I am curious. I often look at myself in the mirror, but as I stand there looking I do not recognize the person I see. I feel like the person I see is not the person behind my eyes staring into the mirror. I try to keep myself away from people because I do not feel I am the person that the people around me know. They know the picture me but not the book me, if that makes sense. I feel the person people see and the person I feel I am, and see are so far apart. It is like trying to put two of the same charged magnets together. They are right there, almost touching but never can or do.

Also, if I feel myself unable to manage a situation or feeling I tend to "space out" completely. On the rare occasion that I do manage to interact with people, I am not fully there with them mentally it seems. I am there physically but my mind and inner person is somewhere else. I can hear faint conversation but they do not register with my mind. It feels almost like I am only in my body or in control of my body a quarter of the time I am awake. Almost like autopilot mode kicks in a little bit after I wake each day.

I have sought professional help in the past, but not for this particular problem. I am kind of afraid to persue treatment, because I do not want to risk my near future career. However, I would like some opinions on what this might be signs of or what, if anything, I can do.