Sometimes the harder I try to "get" something that is essentially a feeling, the less successful that I am. It seems like you are asking about something that is not just about techniques for grounding or relaxing. It sounds like you are trying to get to the place where these techniques can be tried or when they will work.

There is no shame in asking for help, 1 or 2 or 100 times.

When I realize that I am trying to "get" something, sometimes it helps me to do the opposite-- which is just letting go.

There is a story in the Torah (Hebrew bible, or old testament for most people). I am not religious and I am not re-telling this story for religious content; it's just a story, but you may certainly stop reading now if you feel you might be triggered by this.

It's the story of Jacob wrestling with what is described as an angel, and Jacob is demanding that the angel bless him, and she refuses. This goes on for some time, but then Jacob just lets go, he stops. And the "angel" tells him that he will now be called Israel, and then Jacob goes on to heal his contentious relationship with his brother Essau.

My interpretation of this story is that Jacob was wrestling with himself, and when he decided to stop, he was gifted with self-transformation (a new name), and that transformation then allowed him to heal old wounds.

Maybe it's not about "getting" grounded or relaxing per se. Maybe it's about letting go of something or letting go of the struggle to "get" or letting go of the struggle within yourself.