I just wanted to say pat yourself on the back, feel good about all you are doing for yourself!! Sounds like you are doing all you can. Life is difficult and unfortuneately you feel this fact deep down, I am sure..the only way for things to go are UP at this point, which they will head in the UP direction soon. I have the deepest empathy for you. I receive social security for my mental illness and it helps me a great deal. Otherwise I would be in the same boat. Hugs!!!