I feel awful. I am trying to remember all feelings are temporary and that these feelings are illogical. But it is overwhelming and even though I must be slightly detached as I can see myself spirraling and a part of me is yelling at myself to get perspective...i can't hear it and I feel impulsive and this desperate need to change things or run away from the horrid feelings by hurting myself. Writing that seems really stupid but it does seem pretty logical in my head too. It is hard to describe. I feel ashamed for feeling all this so I cant talk to anyone, I thought about emailing my therapist but as much as I want her to know there isno pi oint in her knowing. I am embarrassed that I feel overwhelmed by really nothing at all. I feel trapped on my own. I can't talk to anyone about how I feel but I want to not be alone it hence writing here...although I am ashamed about that too. I dont even know what I am ashamed of or if it is shame I am feeling or something else entirely. I may want to hurt myself just to keep others out and maybe that is why I cant talk either...maybe it is more that a part of me won't! How do I deal with this when everything is distorted? All I know big is that I hate myself but I have no reason too. I should stop trying to explain. Sorry I have no one to talk to and I need to get it out. It is horrid having a therapist but not knowing what to bother her with! I want her to know but I also dont want her to know. Sometimes I think I am my own worst enemy!