i am sry that you feel this way. i can totally relate and my heart goes out to you.

i think that this is something that you should tell your therapist. if she knew that you get into these spirals, she may be able to spend some time with you working on coping mechanisms and ways to self soothe. I deal with this as well, and my t and I hav been working on ways to break the spiral. its tough, i know. i know that sometimes, it feels easier to just hide things like this from t, but she is a resource and I think she will be more than happy, not to say relieved, that you were able to come to her with this. it is her job to help you, and i think you may find her more helpful than you may hav thought. best of luck!