Thank you for helping me come up with ideas for how to make the absence as painless as possible. thank you for emailing me (usually you dont initiate the email conversations). both actions let me know that you are there for me. I need that reinforcement right now.

I am so so so afraid for the upcoming month. so afraid. it takes my breath away and I feel like my body is being torn in pieces, and my heart doesn't know which way to go. it is cold fear. for me. for you. for everything we hav worked towards. i feel like its all on the line. balancing precariously. what if it falls?