I know how you feel. I was obsessed with my ex for years. Wrote him letters all the time till he started refusing them at the post office. I guess he thought I would stop bothering him when he changed his number when I was in the hospital. He did a real grimey sleezy move by doing that. But I never thought he did anything wrong and still loved him for years afterward like a fool. Wasted years locked in my room in a deep depression. So not worth it. Hope you get through this soon ((((hugs)))