(((gotchbill))),

The only way out is "through". I understand though that feeling of "I would rather die than talk about it". There were times when I didn't want to "talk about" things from my past either.

What I did find that helped me is I talked about the "kind" of abuse with the T first.
And when I did that, I found out the T was very familiar with that "kind" of challenge and I also heard about how unfortunately "common" it is for a therapist to work on with patients. And, I also learned "why" patients don't want to "discuss" it as well.

I think the biggest fear is "facing it" but also allowing someone else to "know it too".
Any victim feels that other people will not understand "how they had to survive" abuse.

We all develope "coping methods" when we are abused or tramatized. Some people have what may seem to be "very strange" coping mechanisms as well. However, when you do talk about it, you are going to find out how very human you are and that what you lock inside you and try to "avoid", is also part of being human. And if you can allow yourself to have the courage to look at it all and learn from it, you will begin to finally find ways to "make peace with it all". We have a name for that, "healing".

(((Hugs))))

Open Eyes