I'm sorry darling. Your feelings are normal and common. I have had the same situations happen... where I find myself fighting to not cry in T.. and I want to cry.. and I feel the tears, but I can't let go in that situation...

I used to never look at my T... to the point where sometimes I'd try to trick her by removing my glasses.. so I was looking at her, but I couldn't see her eyes.. it was all a blur.. but I worked on it every session.. looking a little longer and a little longer and more frequently.. and I don't force myself to look at her all the time cause that would be just as weird... but I realized my progress when during the last session... as I was leaving, she looked me straight in the eye and and said Have a happy thanksgiving, Eeyore.. and for the first time I SAW her... I really connected.. I looked in her eyes long enough to see what color they were... and it was comforting.. lovely.. wonderful.. and growth.. just keep trying... I know we feel like peole will see us that way because we see ourselves that way, but practice with T lets us know that our thoughts are flawed and we are normal lovable people who deserve a whole life, just like everyone else.