yes I understand that - "it just hasnt come up". I do try my hardest to be honest and I m open to talk about anything, even all my flaws that seem to like to keep presenting themselves over and over in therapy! But it is difficult to put words to something that is pure feeling plus I would rather someone else rather than me bring it up. I guess it is a work in progress. I'm not unwilling to talk or secretive...just reluctant to think anyone cares. I tend to need a lot of encouragement...well it is really that I need constant updates during the conversation I am not being 'too much'.

I am finding the constant intrusive thoughts exhausting. I tend to try and ignore them and see them just as thoughts nothing more but they do get tiring. My therapist is really open to talking about self harm which is great and I do talk about it but I get embarrassed that she may think I am being over-dramatic about it all. I try not to make it into much in my head as thoughts are thoughts...but it is a bit upsetting.

I think I may write something down for my therapist about today. I need a way out of the huge self hate I am overwhelmed with sometimes...thank you all so much for caring and offering me somewhere I can splurge out all the horridness I feel inside. It really helped. I need someone to know sometimes. I will try to talk to my therapist next week.