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For me too it is the attention I can't stand. I don't want to be looked at, listened to, spoken to,seen at all. I would prefer to be invisible.

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Hi Faith, I feel the same way, for me I know it's because I don't like myself. I hate even saying it, but I really don't like the way I look, so I'd rather not draw attention to myself. I just feel ashamed of not looking good enough.

I've always been a quiet person, but you say you were outgoing. It sounds like therapy is having a negative effect on you. If you were well adjusted and outgoing before, what made you go to therapy? Perhaps it was better to leave your past behind you instead of rehashing painful experiences? I suppose that is something you must have thought about, and I'm sure some people are helped by talking about past experiences, but the more you talk about the past, the more it comes to the surface, which can be detrimental (at least in my opinion). My theory is that the more shame we feel about ourselves, the more closed off we become. I really don't know your situation, but if you have repressed memories, you were unconsciously saving yourself from feeling pain by blocking out some of your past...since these memories have surfaced, perhaps you're unconsciously blaming yourself for what happened to you, which might lead to self-hatred?

I know I don't like a lot of things about myself, I don't think I'm smart enough, pretty enough, social enough...I don't know what caused me to hate myself, but I know I do, and I know that leads me to avoid people. It's a defense mechanism, I don't want to let people know me because I don't feel like I'm worth their concern. And let me tell you, the more I relive painful events, the more closed off I become.

Jax, I feel like sleeping aids can be really addictive. I took Ambien for over a year and I couldn't sleep without it. I would take it all the time because I was depressed and didn't want to do anything but sleep. It also had adverse side effects, if I took it and stayed awake, it had a psychedelic effect...inanimate objects appeared to move. Also, the longer I took it, the more pills I needed to get the desired effect. I'd highly recommend not starting prescription sleep aids, I had a horrible time stopping them.