Well, one of the things I'm working on is 'Mindfulness'. Basically, all I'm trying to do is to recognize my behavior and try to make a different choice or outcome.... The complete handout given by my T was the following:

Mindfulness can be a powerful tool for changing habitual emotional reactions that hijack our ability to think clearly, act skillfully and live meaningfully. Like many other healthy habits, mindufulness becomes stronger and more effective as we repeatedly apply it to our lives. To increase your mindfulness skill, each time you encounter a negative emotion that that threatens to dominate your awareness (for example, irritation, impatience, anxiety, anger, etc.), practice applying the four-step model set forth below.

STOP
BREATHE
REFLECT
CHOOSE

Basically, at the first sign of anger (in my case), I try to stop and just say, 'OK, here it comes'. Then I try to understand why I'm angry, i.e., has my core beliefs been attacked, do I feel generally attacked, has something that has signifigance in my life been alterted or tainted.....

Then I try to really breath. Not just count to ten but, sorta, go inside myself to remind 'me' that I have the power to choose how I will react.

Then reflect...... am I repeating my old patterns, is my impulse a learned behavior from a bad role model, is this a replay of a past experience.....

Then I finally choose.... make a choice of how to react...

Amazingly... this really works for me... I have had a relapse or two but I'm trying to stay focused on relearning my habits. I used to go off into terrible rants: veins popping out of my neck, spit spilling out of my mouth from becoming so angry (I didn't control it, it just happened), to some form of self-injury. My ex used to say I was like living with a trained grizzly bear.... he just never knew when I'd turn on him....

So...... around the house, I have those four little steps laminated to a wall in places I would normally look.... fridge, bathroom, living room, etc.....

Most importantly..... my T let me realize that my anger was learned behavior (one that I have been teaching to my children) but now, I know I can face it and change it. I feel so empowered..... I just can't describe how 'in-control' I feel lately.

PM any time...... I do find some comfort in knowing I'm not the only one. This is a part of myself that has kept me from getting close to people, I feel shame for my past behavior but have forgiven myself and know that I'm making positive changes.......