Thanks for your input, everyone

Just as reference - opiates, for me - are an EMERGENCY option for me EXTREMELY infrequently. As I mentioned before, I do have a low-dose codeine plan in place for the times where it's just not sensible, OR healthy to continue in that much pain (the last time I was in that much pain I also had to have my blood pressure medicated as it shot up from the stress - another issue I've had). But opiates on a regular basis are simply not an option at this time for me - I was an IV drug user. And a bad one - I almost died twice - all of this occurred due to me meeting a man when I was in a vulnerable space - and him turning out to also be an IV drug user. I started with pain pills and it severely escalated through reasons that were my own fault, and also for the prementioned reason - and also because my doctor ramped me up to 30mg of dilaudid a day in four months (which is insane, in ANY regard). That's another story for another time - but I just wanted to clarify that in an emergency - yes, I will take opiates - but the situation needs to be extremely controlled. Preferably, I pick up a single dose at a time or see my doc for an injection at the hospital she works at - the less time the drugs spend in my hands, the better.

As a gesture of honesty - mostly I use marijuana to resolve pain. This is because I can quite literally pick marijuana up and drop it at a moments notice - and also because when I smoke too much marijuana I literally feel sick lol. I'm in the process of getting my card with my doctor AND counselor agreement right now The way my doctor sees it is that the MAYBE half a joint I smoke a day OCCASIONALLY (Through a vaporizer, I might add - though I'm considering switching to cannabis oil eaten) is much better than the 90mg of dilaudid I was injecting, and I agree.

In effect - both of you are right But I'd really not want this to become a debate over opiates and pain patients - I value what both of you are saying and I agree with BOTH of your standpoints

I have started doing morning mindfulness meditation again to calm myself - and no improvement yet but I plan to give it time. I have another doctors appointment next week - they are planning on doing an MRI, and more XRAYS - and now I have to have an ultrasound because I have a hard lump in my upper left abdomen ( could be spleen she thought, I thought maybe kidney as I've had issues with it before).

Just a lot going on.