I am in the worst mood ever. I slept all day and still don't feel well. Self-hatred is all consuming. I wish it would completely consume me already instead of torturing me by dragging it out. I don't have BPD, I am it. I'm not needy, I am it. It isn't MY dependency, I am dependency. It isn't shame I feel, I am shame. Me trying to relate to others is a waste of their time. I ruin all of my relationships. How does one get better from the bottom of the barrel? I hate myself right here and now. Things at work keep happening, I can't make me stop. It may change, but that's how I feel now.