If you feel you cannot talk to someone, at least write it out. If you are afraid someone might find your "thoughts" destroy the piece of paper. Actually, sometimes writing and rippng up and throwing the paper is significance of throwing away those thoughts. Hope you can let it out, in some way...it's not healthy to keep it bottled all up. I'm a former bottler (I still have my moments when I do this) so I know how this can feel. You've come to the right place to feel comfortable enough to talk. Have you tried chat? The support chat can be great when members can help you through a tight spot or just hear you out anonymously. hugs, Lisa