Hi ArrMCee --- Why are you watching videos like that? No wonder you feel awful! You should NEVER watch those kinds of videos. Since I've had depression for many many years, I would never even THINK of watching a video like that. That would put me in the pits of HE@#. You MUST be careful what you watch -- and don't do that on purpose!!

No college education?? I didn't have one either. It scared me too, but my parents didn't have the money to send me and my grades weren't good enough. So I had to "wing it." THe job I had the longest, I learned the skill on the job, and in today's world, it's almost impossible to do that. Could you go to a trade school? There are some GREAT trades you could learn there! Computer techs are always needed. And it doesn't take that long to graduate from a trade school!

You say your "close friends" don't care. Then why are they "close?" I thought CLOSE friends were our best friends -- the ones who DO care the most for us. Don't your "close" friends care the most for you? If they don't, then dump them! If they're only drinking buddies, get rid of them! Find some friends who WOULD care what happened to you!

You're a good person. I've followed your posts, and you're no dummy. You're an intelligent, kind, good person who has a great future ahead of him IF he'd give himself a break! You need to learn to LOVE yourself. You need to stop giving up before anything even starts!! You need to see a therapist! If you can, make an appointment -- you need someone to talk to!! You need treatment and soon. I wish you the very best, my friend. God bless, and please take care of yourself. Hugs, Lee