My Support Forums - View Single Post - Dear T: I need to tell you something but I don't know how (Part V)

0w6c379 · Nov 24, 2012, 09:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Antimatter

I am in the worst mood ever. I slept all day and still don't feel well. Self-hatred is all consuming. I wish it would completely consume me already instead of torturing me by dragging it out. I don't have BPD, I am it. I'm not needy, I am it. It isn't MY dependency, I am dependency. It isn't shame I feel, I am shame. Me trying to relate to others is a waste of their time. I ruin all of my relationships. How does one get better from the bottom of the barrel? I hate myself right here and now. Things at work keep happening, I can't make me stop. It may change, but that's how I feel now.

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Antimatter, so sorry for your pain. I have really bad days too where I feel extremely needy but I think it's because so many of my needs go unsatisfied. Even a little love, kindness, empathy goes a long way and yet some people just can't muster the courage to convey such emotions. I guess it's easier for some to just be cold and heartless.

This may sound crazy but sometimes I think that those of us who feel shame, self-hatred, needy...that we're the people who are normal. Without such deep feelings we would just be cold, empty shells (we'd be like the one's who persecute us). Your feelings are your strength. It will get better.