Referring back to the story of the "wrestling" (because it grounds me ) I think there are a whole plethora of ways that we struggle within ourselves. Not everybody sees the story this way, but I think that Jacob is wrestling with himself. He is placing demands on the "angel" (himself), and I know at least for myself, I do this with some frequency-- I must be always available to my family, I must be (blah blah blah). There are other ways that I struggle within myself, too, that have to do with being authentic versus "canned", or how to balance my own needs with those of others. Most of my job involves some kind of helping/caretaking of others (lawyer, mentor to young lawyers), and I have struggles that are particular to this role, such as brutal honesty versus emotional support. Earlier in my life, I had much more contentious relationships with people, that as I look back, I see were more about the conflicts within myself that I played out with other people. All this is to really say that I think this issue might be able to be approached like many others in healing-- first you become aware of it (where the "it" here is the nature of the conflicts/struggles that exist within you), then you understand its origins (for me, most but not all things tie in someway to CSA dynamics), then you understand how having such struggles/conflicts has worked/benefited you in the past (I think that I used to enjoy conflict, or at least the pretense of conflict-- now I usually know the difference), then you think about steps you can take to let go/not engage in an inner conflict, then you can take these steps.

I don't think that I have perfectly preceded through these steps in this particular order at any point in my healing so far. I think there is a lot of back and forth and perhaps skipping or doing things out of order.

But I do think that you do know how to work on this issue, as I suspect that you have been through some version of the "general healing" process many times. Often the most difficult step is figuring out or becoming aware of what the issue precisely (or sort of precisely) is, and then you can move forward into more familiar healing territory thereafter.

Best.