I don't normally do this... i hate sharing information about myself and making a big deal about things... but after tonight I just don't know what to think or do.

I'm normally a quite closed person, I have a few friends that I see one or two times a week but I keep to myself. Its not that I don't want to be socially active and have fun with others... it's just that I can't. I get easily socially "exhausted" and wen that happens I just withdraw myself because I can't deal with too much stimuli and after that talking becomes a burden. I want to want to be able to be social and talk to people and do what everyone else does but I just can't.

Today after work I started talking to a girl. We like each other, I have romantic feelings for her it's obvious it's not mutual but I can live with that. What happened tonight is that we started talking seriously. Mostly about me... like I said before, I don't share my troubles and issues with others, I haven't done so for 25 years of my life I keep them to myself. But I like this girl and things just started to flow out. We talked for about 2.5 hours, mostly about me. I think she was trying to share information too, personal issues and stuff, I tried to play into it but I sensed she withdrew probably because I'm emotionally stunted and can't talk for **** about real things without it becoming forced.

After 2.5 hours I sensed she wanted to go and hang out with other colleagues (they all went out to some other place, this girl stayed behind with me to just talk). I didn't want her to go, and I was joking about this and stuff but it was obviously I was just clinging onto her. She knew this too and tried to make up an excuse to go in the end and it hurt me like hell. I hate opening up to people and now I did and she left to go to the other guys.I feel like such a freak I knew she wanted to go and that it was time but I just kept trying to force it to go on and put her in this awkward position.

I know she likes me as a friend she said I was her favorite colleague in the whole company (there's about 40 people working here so that's something). I feel like I ****ed up the whole thing we had and a possible friendship because I was acting like a ****ing retard trying too much and taking things to far. I opened up and I don't know if it was good if I did good or if it just confirmed what I thought I knew: that I'm a freak and people don't want to hang out with me once they get to know me.

This all sounds like **** and I feel pathetic sharing this lame **** and posting this to others. I just don't know what to do, I'm typing this and I feel completely numbed. I have no idea what I am or what I'm supposed to do or what I should think about this.

I'm sorry about rambling like an asshole and cussing it's not good behavior... I just am so confused and have never felt like this before and I can't take this anymore. I'm so ****ed up and I don't know where to go next.

If someone reads this please tell your thoughts or anything just give me a perspective I need help please.