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Auqarius8
Hi, I am 10 years younger than you but I feel in such the same way as you do about life and others around you. All the people from my year either are in jobs, at there last year of university or have children and just bring them up. Me well I have dwindle from one thing to another and now I am just stuck have nothing to show for my years have nothing to improve my situation and it seems there is no way to create years to come.
I live a very scared and anxious life most of the time in fear. You would think after living this long and experiencing some of the things I have I should have a back bone or two to pull me through. Yet I am always finding each and everything to happen next adds to that fear and creates more anxiety which slowly pulls me down into my misery.
They say there is never a right nor wrong way to live your life and you should never compare yourself to others, sure they say that then they expect you to just get other your worries etc. Yet we all know that is never true in life. Everything or most things are based on some comparison of some sort of others in society and still many will hold a person’s life as it stands as a way of judgment of them or how they perceived that individual as a person.
One doctor even said to me “but you are in a better position than the others your age that have how many kids with many different fathers, who the better person then you or them” why can’t you see you the better person and are doing ok in life, when all I needed way anxiety meds because I was shaking and sweating etc. every time I had to face a social situation. No people have to try and talk you over what people supposedly people never do in life (compare or Jude you based on others as a way to weigh up so to speak your life and how you are as a person) and actually what is supposed not to happen yet actually is mostly what causes or contribute to such worries of some people.
Let’s just say we are not crazy people when we get so paranoid of others judgements and people have to wonder why there so much anxiety and why some people worry so much that it affects them significantly and not in a positive way. Well it’s society itself and to be honest, I gave up trying to live within society long ago and I will always be stuck because I refuse to be lost or try to delude myself back within the norm and frame acceptable of how a person should be within the society I life.
This isn’t going to help you and I am sorry for that, I most probably gone off again as I do ramble on. However I would say try not to care what’s the point in worrying you could be a person that worry so much and still finds themselves within the same notions feelings and situation or you could take it that you know your life even though on one would like you to feel or be in the position you are now as it clearly upset you however knowing where you stand and being realistic as to that position you are in will always allow to make steady even if slow then slow but movements within the future.
What I mean is those who have it and are a person so to speak with their job or kids or doing the degree in whatever they too are probably just as stuck and lost but society view them as not and sometimes that’s probably harder to try and live, maintain throughout life. I am glad I am not one of any of those, I think I would have equally crumble trying to maintain such a person behind one of those titles if you can call it that as that all accounts for nothing. Really as long as you are you even if you may not be now the person you would like to have been or imagine when you were young, you still can learn to be a person of your choice and you are not stuck to the personae of just some person in a job or who chose to do another humanly thing like be a mum etc. Not to say those of you who are there anything wrong with you or that you’re not well rounded nor nice people because I am sure you are. But I am on about those people who put you down or Jude you base on them living behind their status or position in life and make you feel like nothing or worthless or wrong as a person because you don’t have anything that they deem as acceptable to be a well-rounded or nice person in their eyes and in the society that we both live in.
Sorry if just another person rambling on and this isn’t much of a reply to you but you’re not alone in feeling in such a similar way about life and yourself living within such a world. Wish you all the best
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