I can relate to the idea of taking blame throughout my life - and that, too, is an unfair burden. Finding that middle ground is part of the journey. Which is my point - it's not all one or the other.

I had a friend once say that no one can MAKE you feel a certain way. I've always struggled with this - as it seems to let the person doing harm "be free" of ownership. Although it's true that we all own our feelings and reactions, it's also true that our behaviors affect other people. And if too many people react in a similar way, it may be telling of something about ourselves. Saying that it's about the other person makes it too easy for one to miss valuable information about themselves.

Antimatter - I am not saying in any way that you are to blame for what happened with you and xT. I feel awful about how your xT handled things. By the same token, it's still helpful to take stock in the awareness that we gain of ourselves in the process. I know you're doing that, and I would love to see you be more gentle with yourself in that painful process.