Once a day, I take burning hot showers. (I self harm as punishment, I have really low self esteem and self loathing, but I am not here for you to tell me not to do it). It is really really hot, I will step in the water and after three seconds I am burning and dieing to get out but I don't let myself out, I will stay for twenty seconds or so. and once I stop, i take a five second break and step back in the hot water and repeat the process. I want desperately to leave after 3 seconds but i stay for twenty, each second is as if it doubles in pain. so my question is, does it take a lot of mental power to do this? what effect could this have on me mentally and physically. thanks!