This is something I've needed to share for a long time, and to see if I could get any kind of feedback, any advice or support possible. For quite a while now, I've felt so out of place and riddled with anxiety leading to terribly down moods. I find that one of the greatest factors that seems to be fueling all the interpersonal negativity within me, is the external world itself.

To be blunt about it, I feel like the world is going to Hell in a hand basket, so to speak. The expression is old yes, but I truly feel like it's very much a reality now. My world view has become dauntingly pessimistic, and outright nihilistic in nature. I see the negative aspects behind the motivation of everyone and everything. I feel like I'm living in "the last era", so to speak, like society is approaching the very same decay that befell the era of Rome. Everywhere that I look I see so much greed, narcissism, gluttony, hatred, lust, apathy, etc. Pretty much everything on the list of deadly sins. Perhaps the most ironic twist being, I'm not a religious person. Yet within me, I can sense how horrible those things are, as they continue to consume people and drive their every move. I won't bother really delving into all of the specifics, but I feel as though we are all living on borrowed time, my generation will be the one to bring this world to it's extinction, and almost dare I say deservingly so.

People, a lot of them, they don't seem like they have a heart or a soul anymore. They've sold it in exchange for some form of gratification or another. They just don't value anything, anymore. I cannot relate to them, and quite frankly they scare me. Likewise, everyone I've known has changed with similar effect. Everyone is so mean-spirited, cut throat, nasty and disrespectful, it is ridiculous. And the nastiness hits very close, as the change in attitude is reflected even within my own family, and sometimes even rubs off on me. It's hard to not bite back when everyone is trying to rip into you. But things never used to be that way! And I never used to see so much of this negative behavior in people.

Being only 23 yeas of age, I feel like I've seen enough change in my life to have been 70, I feel like everything about the world I used to know is gone. People, places, things, even reality itself, all vastly changed. Like the world is being recreated before my very eyes, and I don't think it's ever reverting back. Like it's is not the world that I wanted to be a part of, but it's the world that I've got. I'm left to cope. It's like I've been time warped into some dystopian future time period.

I think that I feel my best when I am able to block all of this out, and just not be reminded of it. When I'm able to zero in on what little resembles what I can still believe in. It's so hard for me to go out, or really interact with others, because I am so quickly reminded of the negative change. I believe these external woes have played a significant role in the anxiety attacks that used to have, and my constant mood swinging and bouts of feeling depressed, perhaps even the depersonalization I suffered. It's so difficult feeling like that problem is so much larger than yourself, and you can't do anything about it but try to ignore it.