Honestly 1984,

I don't think that I can advise you how to help your gf work through your struggles. Have you tried posting this Q in the relationships forum ~ the room which focuses on those who have relationships with people suffering personality disorders? I would *think* that the room might be be more helpful to you.

I have BPD, and I can relate a lot to issues that you're having with your gf. But, I see things from her perspective. I, myself, have a bad habit of pulling away just when things are beginning to look and feel good in the relationship. It scares me! I'm afraid of losing those good feelings and going back to my paranoid state of mind.

I remind myself of how many intimate relationships I've had so far ~ how many times I could have sworn that it was deep love! Yet, here I am at 42 y.o. and divorced. I have a bf (whoop-de-doo!), whom I've been with for over 3 years. 95% of the time, however, I have walls up inside of me. I try to act as though everything is okay (afraid to push him away), but I also can't bring myself to let the walls down.

It bugs the heck out of me, and I wish that I could let these freaking walls down already...I'm terrified. I feel so empty inside now, I can't imagine myself feeling even emptier! That thought brings on panic inside. On the outside, I'm cool & just a million miles away. It sucks!