You haven't been on these meds all that long, have you? Seems like you've been off and on them kind of irregularly (or do I have you confused with someone else; if I do, I apologize). You are on a waiting listing for inpatient hospitalization because you have been so unstable lately (really for quite a long time now). You are NOT stable. A couple of days does not mean you are stable. This just kind of sounds self-destructive. As soon as a bed opens up, you need to go inpatient and allow the doctors to really work on your meds and getting you truly stabilized. In the meantime, keep taking your meds as prescribed. Stay away from overdoing the benzos. Stay off the alcohol. Keep in touch with your therapist.