Hi Spinning. Welcome to PC!

I'm sorry about your disappointment and pain. It must be especially difficult after feeling like things had been going so well. Hugs to you on that front.

I do think it's important to bring this up, because you'll never really know what T was thinking unless you ask him. One thing you'll see here a lot, I'd say, is that a number of us have no problem reading our T's mind. Unfortunately, we're rarely right in what we assume. So it's always best to ask. And I think it's a positive sign in your process when you trust your T enough to bring things like this up. So, give it a try if you can, I'd say.

There's something else about "bringing things up" that's pretty relevant to your situation, I think. There are quite a few Ts (mine included) that leave it up to the client to bring issues up. I'm wondering if your T wasn't just waiting for you to take the lead. Because really, that's the only way he could be sure you were ready for the big stuff you were headed into. I mean, I know you'd indicated so earlier, but maybe T was just looking for some confirmation that you felt ready on that day. And when you didn't say so, he figured that meant that you weren't.

A few weeks ago I wrote a fairly soul-baring letter to my T. (I have a lot of difficult saying difficult things, but if i write them out, I can usually talk about them once she's read what I've written.) When we were ready to start talking she mentioned that there was weeks worth of stuff to cover, meaning that we'd just get started that day and move on from there. We got to one or two of those things, then it was time to go.

The next time I saw her, I waited for her to bring the letter back up. (I reasoned that she acknowledged that there was tons to cover and that we'd need to return. I also know that she knows how difficult it is for me to bring things up on my own.) But she didn't bring it up. And she didn't bring it up our next meeting either.

By the third session after, I was hurt and irritated. For once I was able to bring it up, and we talked about my feeling hurt that she didn't return to the letter in subsequent sessions. (I'd already made up my mind about all the horrible things that this suggested about me.) But of course, she'd been waiting for me to bring it up all along. As with many Ts, in her world, that's completely my job. And as much as I hate it, it's completely reasonable.

Anyway, try talking to T about this, and see what the issue is. Also, it's completely OK to tell T that you think you're ready, but that you don't really know what to expect. T should be able to give you more specific information, or at least talk about the possibilities. It sounds like that might be helpful.

Good luck and hang in there! And if you feel like it, let us know how it's going when you get a chance.

ETA: PS: I could have just said "What Chris and MUE said." I have a tendency to write novels when I do write, though, so I was writing all this when they had the good sense to just get to the point. Sorry!