Okay, you guys have got to help me.

I'm recovering from childhood abuse/anger and it's almost all out, and some lingering psychotic issues after drug abuse, but I have this OBSESSION with race, it comes and goes, and changes from LIKING interracial to being ABSOLUTELY ABHORRENT of it.

I have these almost paranoid delusions that someone is trying to "destroy" the "white race", that there is a conspiracy.

I will state a personal belief based on observation: the inferiority or superiority of races is IRRELEVANT, but in the psyche of an individual lies a kind of state of mind or what I call a "spiritual homeland", some kind of aesthetic touch in the personality which makes their ancestors relevant.

So for this reason, I consider myself "white" and I acknowledge as part of who I am.

I am no "racist", I would never under any circumstances except insanity hate another human being.

But I feel like this spiritual homeland, this common ground, is under threat by something evil.

But get this, I ALTERNATE between getting sexually excited by it and being disgusted by it, then turn to being disgusted by myself. It's ****ING ME UP.

What the ****.

I've never been in a relationship. Is this why? Am I sexually repressed and has it finally turned on me?

What can solve this?

Should I completely ignore the issue for a while?

I think it is stopping me from being sane.

Help. Ask any questions.