There is still one part of therapy that I haven't yet learned to emotionally understand and how to practice in my life.

What am I suppose to do with my feelings?

I understand every part of my life. I can write hundreds of pages in my journal. I can express my emotions. I understand it all on a intellectual level but emotionally I still haven't overcome all that has happened in my life. I can track my choices and behaviors of where it comes from and possibly why I do them. Still on a emotional level I still have such a hard time really feeling my emotions.

So to help me cope with my painful past of abuse, my therapist told me I need to now work on actually "feeling" my emotions. No longer do I need to block the pain, numb myself from the hurt, shut myself down so that I can move on in life to survive.

What does that mean? I need to sit with myself and feel every aching emotions as it run through my veins? It is such a abstract concept to understand.

All my life my emotions have been denied to me. The only the choice I had is to endure so I can survive. So now at the age of 30 years old I am barely learning how to feel my emotions when all these life skills should have happened from the moment I was born.