thank you for sharing this. i have felt this way especially when i was your age. i call this feeling "comfortably numb" named after the pink floyd song. for me i use this feeling to realize that i have no reason to feel like that. i think with depression we live with it so long that we can't see any other way of being. it becomes all most like a freind or like a warm blanket. so the trick is to get used to feeling good, not always an easy thing i know. sorry i cant help more , just wanted to let you know your not alone. many songs have featured this feeling like the one mentioned above any smashing pumpkins "i'm in love with my sadness" and nirvana "i miss the comfort of being sad"