I am getting more and more depressed everyday and it's getting more and more serious. I hate my life - every minute of it. I am lonely but don't want a lover. I am not good at making friends. Recently, I backed out of two online meetings with strangers - I just could not bring myself to do it. My self esteem is very low. I need love but am not good at sex and an not a touchy-feely person. I hate being gay - it undermines my needs. I have decided to give up religion and have no spirituality. Everything in my life seems to go wrong.