i feel like im starting to fall into this deep negative mindset. i feel like i have to go to that place to get better. almost like hitting rock bottom before you can go up. im restless and cant focus but have no interest in anything. including friends or social functions. i want to be left alone but i dont. i have no desire for mindless social interaction and no one can possibly handle whats going on inside me. i fear myself sliding into this deep isolation. i fear my marriage has to end for me to ever get better. its not fair to drag him down with me and if we stay together i feel like i have to cater to him out of my own guilt. i cancelled my T appt this week for the first time in almost 2yrs. i just dont even know what to say. my head is so full and i bounce all over the place between thoughts and feelings. there's no way to possibly unravel all that in 45min. and its so hard to go from work to therapy to work. its either all consuming or not at all. i fear where im headed but at the same time feel like thats where i have to go. there's a very sad, hurt and extremely needy little girl inside. i dont know how to sanely take care of her while still being an adult. it just sounds so strange.