Hey hun. I was in that frame of mind also a few years ago. The best thing to do right now is to focus on acknowledging that there are issues within, that need tending to first and a healthy relationship, be it family, friends, romantic or even pet, is best developed when you first take the time to tend to your needs for a healthier self esteem first. It is good that you did not go through with the meeting. You probably sensed within that you are not ready yet. I have found that over the three years I have been on here working through my issues, I am finally beginning to see things in myself that are enabling me to take steps forward and regain some optimism and still struggle to understand my disorder.

Now, as i recognize my individual distorted thought patterns as they happen or behavioural patterns that need to change in certain situations, I feel better about my progress and people are again beginning to see optimism in me.

http://sourcesofinsight.com/10-disto...king-patterns/ This little reference is a godsend for me when times get tougher. good luck