My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half now but didn’t make it official till 6 months ago. My boyfriend loves to travel whether with a friend, with me or by himself. It's always been his dream to see the world. He’s on his mid 30’s and I’m on my early 30’s. He sort of own his time because he’s self employed that’s why he can take vacation for a month or 2 without a problem. If he’s going by himself, he’s the type of traveler that doesn’t really plan. He just go to places and when he’s done exploring it, then he’ll proceed to the next destination, wherever that may be. I, on the other hand, has a regular 9-6 job with only 2 weeks of vacation allocated in a year.

He’s taking a month vacation in Asia without me then we’ll meet in my home country for 2 weeks after that. Prior to him leaving, I asked if he can come back home with me after our trip to my home country because I do not want to be alone on New Years. But just like his personality, he said that he’s not sure because if he still feels like travelling, he wants to grab that opportunity to go because this is the time of the year that his business is slow. I asked if we can compromise since he's already been gone for a month without me. He explained to me that he worked so hard to come to this point that he’ll have that freedom to travel. He said, that he loved for me to go but I only have 2 weeks of vacation allocated, which I’ll be using on that 2 week trip to my home country with him. Then I asked again if he could come back home to me for New Years. And he said that this is his dream to travel and that another week or 2 of additional vacation for shouldn’t be a matter of discussion or argument. I asked again because I really want to be with him on New Years and that’s when he said he doesn’t want to compromise his dream.

It bothered me when he said he doesn’t want to compromise because I’m not asking him to not do things. I’m not even preventing him to travel, I’m just asking him to make some adjustments so I can be comfortable, too. Since the possibility of this happening is very probable, I asked if he would compromise with me in the future. Like if we can agree on the length of time he's going or the time of the year he's going. He said it depends in the circumstance. He said that he wants to feel free to do what he wants, his dreams and everything in between without restrictions (because he feels like me trying to negotiate is giving him restrictions). He said he wants me to support and encourage him that he’s realizing his dream instead of negotiating with him. He further said that, he really wants to be with me. That he wants to share a part, some or all of it with me… whatever is possible. But his dreams are as important as me.

Am I being selfish or is he being selfish? I’m trying to find ways to compromise but I feel like the compromise is only going in one direction. I’m not sure if I need to just completely back off and cave in or if there is a bigger signal here. I love him with all my heart so I’d like to understand him and make things work but should I just settle for what he wants and ignore my wants?