Went to see a dietitian today and I was hoping that she would give me the help and advice that I don't already know. I wanted to know if she could help me how to lose weight and not have to fall back on the comfort of the eating disorder to lose weight. There simply isn't enough resources out there to help people with eating disorders on how to lose weight the healthy way.

I've dieted, I've worked out, and when I don't see the results when I'm doing everything right, I run back to the eating disorders and it is then that I start to see the weight going down.

She tried to discourage me that even with I binge and purge it doesn't get rid of all the food, that I'll damage my body and that when I don't eat the body will on hoard whatever food is in the my system.

I've struggled with the eating disorder for so long that I know how my body works. I know the information of what are the good and bad food. I know it on a intellectual level of why I always go back to the eating disorder.

I am simply not ready to give up and still wanting to hold on to the eating disorder. It is my life jacket when everything else in my life has failed. The disorder is something that has always been by my side to comfort me when I am desperate.

The only advice she only gave me that I found useful is when she said: I need to trust my body that it will eventually do everything I hope to and I wouldn't need to depend on the eating disorder. Trust my body....