I've actually been with female therapists and I feel more comfortable with a male. I find that I view females as too emotional to deal with my problems, and I have trouble even opening up to my female friends as opposed to my male friends. I think it may be that I view myself as too emotional and so don't really trust women. I don't know. And also, my boyfriend/fiance (its complicated :P were just waiting for the family, you know) is about the only person I'm able to tell these things--and for some of them it's taken me years even still. I don't feel right having HIM tell my therapist all these things, but at least he could show him that I'm much worse off than I make out that I am.

The pregnancy thing isn't really a worry, as far as the fear of sex goes. I have to be on birth control because we recently found out that a lot of my health problems were due to a rather severe case of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. If I'm not on the pill for most of the time unless I'm TRYING to get pregnant, the cysts could render me infertile, so I don't have much of a choice. As far as pregnancy goes, I'm not even thinking about it until I fix the vomiting thing. I am NOT being pressured into an unwanted marriage-- my lovely man and I have literally been together since junior high and we're entering our first year of college together, and have decided on marriage after freshman year is over. We just couldn't wait any longer. :P my therapist does know about this, but I have yet to explain our relationship fully to him. I don't know why it is that I can't tell my therapist about these other things though, the things I really need help with. I feel ashamed of them, and I often worry about being mentally ill. I sometimes worry about me being a terrible person to marry, and a terrible wife and mother, with all of my horrible problems.