With a BMI of 17.4, you are definitely underweight & at a dangerous low. Last year when I was at that point, I was being hospitalized for exhaustion after dealing with a trauma & my Mothers death. Because of the stress, my nausea was so bad that I couldn't stand the smell of food let alone try to eat. I know that I also needed to be able to control something & it felt good to be able to control my "not eating". My GP was keeping track of my blood tests & the day he was going to discharge me, my blood test came back anemic with malnutrition. My GP had the hospital's pdoc & psychologist seeing me daily to help me deal with the stress I was going through dealing with my Mothers death. The picc line & TPN they put in ended up getting infected. At the point I needed to leave the hospital to go to my Mothers funeral. The hospital's pdoc thought my condition was serious enough that he told me he was going to put me on a hold if I didn't agree to have the central line TPN. He felt that I could die within a few days if I didn't get the nutrition. I was able to escape AMA thanks to my GP & a promise to come back to the hospital after the funeral. But I know how horrible I felt .

About 10 years before I had another time dealing with anorexia & my BMI at that time got down to 15.4. That anorexia was started from a reaction to prozac & wellbutrin. It created a nausea that kept me from eating. At that time, I was suicidal anyway, so the thought of dying from anorexia didn't bother me at all....besides I felt that my family dealing with an ED was much better than dealing with a suicide (what logic was that????).

The specialists of anorexia continually tell me that it is normally an issue of body image. They kept telling me that it is when people look at themselves at a low weight & feel that they are overweight. My anorexia issues aren't based on that because I know at my low weight I look like a walking skeleton. But when I get started loosing weight, I like the feeling of being able to control it. I truely think that anorexia is different for each person & doesn't always fall into a standard pattern. I think we all have our reasons for loosing weight & they make logical sense in our minds no matter how far off they seem to others.

It sounds to me like it might be a good idea if you find a therapist that is known for working with anorexia issues. Don't let them tell you what you are thinking, but you need to tell them what your thinking is. I know for me that my first time with a psychologist at the treatment center didn't help at all. He kept telling me what I was thinking & is wasn't anything close to what was on my mind. It is important to find a psychologist that is willing to work with you & lets you express your feelings. That is really the best way to get in touch with what is possibly causing your thinking.

For me, the only thing that helped was for me to decide what weight I could be happy at & a weight that was physically safe for me to be at. Once I was able to determine that weight, I was able to realize that it took control to stay at that point & control was one of my issues that I needed to feel good.

A therapist can help you come to terms with your weight & hopefully that can help you live a safe healthy life.

Hope this can help a little,
Debbie