Self-esteem, for me, isn't based on anything I do, or even feel, it just is. The way I've been able to build mine is to make friends with myself. The conversations one has with one's self pretty much indicate one's feelings for one's self.

Start by listening to what you tell yourself. Then take your strong, good traits; humor, creativity, honesty, courage, intelligence, etc. and use them to balance or "talk with" any negative thoughts.

When I started combating my own negativity, I worked on when I would put myself down; I'd silently yell, "Support!" and my mind's eye pictured three little guys in togas running from off the side, over by an ear, into the vault of my mind and quickly putting up Corinthian columns like tent poles. Don't ask me why Corinthian rather than Doric or Ionic :-)

Recently, at work where everyone knows me pretty well and my whacky sense of humor, I mostly just talk to myself out loud (negatively) and then quickly counteranswer! :-) But I got a little out of hand when I got a third person in there answering back to the answerer. LOL My good friend I work with then got into the act with her "concern" :-) and we had a loving, funny interchange. Seeing how much others enjoy me has been one of the best gifts I've ever been given. That's the key, really.

Look hard for and at what your friends and loved ones truly think about you and take it to heart even if you don't believe it. Take what your T says (if you have one) on faith until you can believe it yourself. If someone says they like your smile, just accept that you have a nice, friendly smile and are a nice, friendly person. You can't "fake" friendliness, you are either friendly or you're not. Other people are in charge of how they see you and how you make them feel; you can't control that or negate it because it's someone else, not you. You know how others send off "vibes" -- you can kind of tell if you like someone or not, want to get to know someone better or are afraid, etc.? You do the same for others and if they take the time with you, talk to you, like to have you around, like working with you, etc. then they are getting good vibes from you.

However, we're not all one thing or another. Everyone makes mistakes, gets angry, has a bad day, etc. Try to live in 3D! Relationships are more than a single interchange. Because you are angry at someone, disappointed, distracted and accidentally hurt someone's feelings, whatever, that doesn't make you a bad person. You're not a single entity, ever. So watch for that mistake.

When you call yourself a name, remind yourself that you're not anything global like, "bad," "stupid," "ugly," etc. Give your negative self a hard time when s/he uses such words, mock him/her at having such a poor vocabulary that they can't be more specific and then come up with a multi-syllable, more "exact" word to describe him/her! Or say something like, "Look, diputs," (stupid backwards :-) I may act in a stupid manner sometimes but unlike you, technically I'm not stupid on the whole as a person." Notice how your negative name-calling self is almost always very simple and unimaginative. Surely you can deal with that, even with your hands tied behind your back :-) It's grade school stuff. Sometimes I just "laugh" and ignore it, it's beneath my notice as I'm better than that.