Knowing what I know,growing up in a home,with the family torn,worn,devastated,by my brother's episodes due to Bipolar-I,was a nightmare for him,as well as our family.
Some manic episodes were mild,others escalated to violence,in which things got really nasty (early 1960's)and he'd be hospitilized.
I can't blame you at all for not wanting her at your home,you are not being mean either,if that's what some ever say to you.
Sounds like your husband really needs to talk with a therapist and address his denial. My dad at first couldn't accept that my brother had this disorder,he grew up in a time that things like this just didn't happen in his family.
The era where people told the depressed to "just snap out of it",you probably have heard that.
Besides the mania,my brother would get depressive episodes,very typical of Bipolar disorder.
That's where the elders,had that mindset,"you got to snap out of it",etc.
Well,yeah,a depressed person would if they could,duh.
It took years but with the help of a good pdoc and Lithium (other older meds didn't work)he has lived a fairly good life,is married and even requires less Lithium compared to his teens and early 20's,he's going on 60, 12/24.
Definately try to get your husband to talk with a therapist,to address his denial,and coping skills.
He needs to accept this is not all ADHD.
Lots of luck with this,and always feel free to drop in here.
DE