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Old Nov 27, 2012, 09:18 AM
LoneWolfie LoneWolfie is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2011
Location: Kingston Ontario
Posts: 430
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaybird57 View Post
Yep, I've been pushed by my therapist, and guess what? I failed. Why? Because I was trying to "hide", to be normal, to be without fault, to be the one who was right, to not be AFFECTED by what everyone else was saying about me . .. gee, what other excuse can I give?

I'm not trying to be rude or disruptive, I'm just trying to say that I've been on the receiving end of "therapeutic interventions" that I saw coming and tried to thwart. It doesn't work. It harms you. It works against your healing.

I would wish that your therapist would talk about how he/she thinks that your current "calm, cool demeanor" was a front. It's important to have those conversations. But guess what, many of us in therapy block that conversation because we read or understand what the "currency" is for our therapists. In other words, we know how to tweek them. We know just the right thing to say that will make him/her question her thoughts or beliefs (he/she might not admit that, but most of us know when we've found the right currancy). We out think them.. . not a good thing! It means that we lose out.

Honesty. Openess. Bareness. Emotional nakedness. Raw courage. These are all things that we need to strive for. Guess what? Most of our therapist have not even PRACTICED this level of openness. Sad but true. But if you and I are to heal and grow, we need to step beyond their failings and fears and find our own strenght. Good luck!
From what I am understanding from what you wrote is the because I am borderline I am manipulating her and YOUR WRONG.

I have been nothing but honest during sessions about feelings and my self harm, I have never tried to hide anything.

Yes the last many weeks I have not talked much, she reads what I have written that week so that I have an opportunity to respond which I generally do not because I have pretty much said what I wanted in written form, something I am better at than verbal.

As I mentioned before, I feel completely broken and raw to the bone. I'm feeling emotionally numb and am a shell of the person I once was. Wondering if I will ever be who I was before, the person that could laugh and smile.