ben, i volunteered for years and then took care of two dying patients, in their homes, for a year. first thing out of the chute is to talk to family members about how much the patient knows and accepts about the illness. i encountered tons of families that refused to allow the doctors, nurses, hospice staff talk to them about dying. keep up the facade that all would be well. so, don't over step a boundary there. it's silly of the family, but that's how a lot of people are. denial. as if the patient doesn't know that they are dying!!

if it is acceptable for you to talk to the patient, let them initiate the discussion.....if they are able to talk. they will talk about it as much as they want to. or not.

billie's hospice person drove her nuts. he talked about her swimming pool, her carpet, the television, her hair, etc.......she hated for him to come. he never, ever "talked to her".......and neither did the doctor that she was going to when i started caring for her. i switched doctors and everything went much smoother. she wanted to die and made no bones about it and i was the only one who would discuss it with her.

ralph and i talked about it a lot. he was down to earth and we talked about how it would be and what might happen when he actually got to that place, last moments, etc.

as a volunteer, i strictly went by what the family dictated. don't let an aide or a hospice nurse direct you to say something that you might regret later. be sure the family and the patient and you are on the same page at all times. sometimes the aides can get really "know it all" and can hurt someone's feelings. i'm not condemning all aides...i worked with one who was the loosest cannon i've ever come across.

listening and responding appropriately will never fail you. ever. you'll do fine. you're compassionate and caring and you'll figure it out right away......xoxoxo pat