I honestly don't feel brave I feel exactly the opposite.
It really makes me feel better to know that Im not alone with my fear of law enforcement though Im very sorry you have these fears along with me. It's not fun. I feel exactly how you described. I feel ashamed too and I try to hide my emotions I always figure police will see my being afraid ashamed etc as though i must have done something bad and ultimately they too will hurt me in some way. In honesty besides when I was a kid and tried to report my parents abused me I have not had bad encounters with police. But as a kid I remember they questioned me in front of my parents and I was terrified of not only my parents but the officers and felt betrayed.
The issue with actual guns came later. Given my social phobia, fear of men and then fear of guns it's just way way too much. I panic just riding a police officer or car. Thank goodness I don't drive because if I ever got pulled over old or a light out or something I know they would see me panic and think I was up to no good. I wish it is something I could get past but I'm not sure how. I think it's the idea of men in power that frighten me. Women police officers are not as scary but I still have the fear of people and guns to contend with.
I love llove my dogs they provide a great deal of support to me. So I do everything I can to make them feel happy and safe. I adore them and I hate that the gun was fired so near them and if dogs can have PTSD I know my Billy does. I want to feel safe too and to be honest there have been very few times in my life that I have. I just want some peace and I don't know why I can't find it.
I really hope if it happens again the judge will understand if I say something. I hate the idea of calling the police because I'm afraid it will make him angry or the police will take his side and things may get worse. I'm afraid to move too but between my husband knowing I live in this town and then these people with the guns I don't think it's a good idea to stay either. I just hope if I move I don't find myself in worse shape.