thanks for the advice and kind words everyone. i will do it soon, and i think it was harder for me back then due to many things, such as...

around that time was when i had JUST come out of severe depression and i was still going through bad times mentally. i had only just started seeing a councillor so i hadnt properly worked on myself and my problems, so to add another one to the equation made in intensely hard. to have to sit behind a wheel and hold that responsibilty at that age and have so many bad thoughts and feelings was too much for me to handle.

and as you said, i have matured a little since then, and i have worked on myself a lot since then too so most of my issues are now gone.

im sure my fear of driving is because i keep thinking that when i get behind that whell things will seem so hard as they did before, and i dont know what its like to drive with a "clear" head so that in itself scares me.

i have gained confidence since then too, back then i had just started my new job and i was a nervous wreck! i would hardly speak to anyone and was constantly near the point of crying. so its no wonder i found learning so hard. my whole personality has changed since, and i have gained so much inner strength since and so im sure i will do really well this time around. i just decided to start driving at a bad time then i think.

well now i have you guys to talk to if i do get scared of it, i think i will book the lessons up at the weekend and start looking for a car to get to practise in. the sooner i get it over and done with the better.

what i meant when i said i am looking forward to going out for a drive when im upset is that when i get upset and down here i just wish i could get in a car and drive for a short while. i sometimes find that if im unhappy and i get in a car (as a passenger) i can calm down and relax abit. just because i feel safe (as a passenger again, might be different as a driver) and that i am inside my own little space and even though there is someone sat next to me i feel enclosed in a safe haven and with music on the radio i feel relaxed and thats what i want for after i pass. just the feeling that when i close my car door i am in my own little world and i can go where i want for as long as i want and dont have to rely on anyone to drive me home.

well i will definately book lessons on the weekend and will keep you guys updated. thanks again for the advice.

simon